Where the other guidebooks can't even be bothered...

I woke up feeling a little blue this morning. After all, I'm in Lima by myself (unless Caleb shows up) for a month and I don't even speak the f**cking language. So, I did what Lisa Peterson taught me to do when I'm blue. I made a to-do list with little boxes to check. Now Lisa says that if you're really blue you should start the list with "get out of bed," and "brush teeth," so that you can feel really good about checking those boxes. I was just a little blue so I went with the Advanced Version that I've listed below:
- Work out with Alejandro at Gold's Gym
- Learn how to work the safe in the closet so I can lock up my passport
- Visit some important cultural site
- Figure out how to tell the difference between the touristos and the Native Peruvians
- Have a meaningful conversation with a Native Peruvian (preferably in English)
- Figure out how safe this town really is by dressing up as a Tourista and seeing if I get mugged
- Buy myself a really good meal at a local restaurant and don't feel sad that I'm eating alone (I had a banana from the fruit stand for dinner last night because, well, you know......
- Find out if there is a local equivalent of Target that is less than two miles from here and that doesn't have a prominent display of organ meat.
- Figure out how to say, "pen" in Spanish (it is "pluma" but everyone here seems to use "lapiza") and how to conjugate the verb "to buy" ("comprar") and buy one.

So, let's see how I did......
- Workout Done
- Safe Done
- Walked to Huaca Pucllana, 2000 year old site of ritual female sacrifices (see pit photo)
- Met Pietro (he's between the Aussie Tourista and the guide in the photo). He is a Native Peruvian but has lived in Nuevo York for 25 years. Meaningful information from Pietro - Peru has hairless dogs that are considered sacred and that have healing properties. All Peruvians were offended when Barack Obama did not choose a Hairless Peruvian Dog to be Sasha's pet. Learned from Guide that you can't tell Touristas from Peruvians because they are all wearing clothes with US labels but that are actually made in China. Learned from Pietro that when he was a kid in Lima, Huaca Pucllanna was a trash dump where kids rode their bikes and that he remembers riding over sacred Huaca pottery before everybody knew better.
- Learned that no matter how Tourista I dress, this part of town is full of security types who would love it if someone would even think about mugging me so that they can do something else besides standing around waiting for something to happen.
- Found lots of Target Equivalents close by, all of which have biodegradable bolsas
- Watched a Peruvian Elvis Impersonator contest.
- Ate at a terrific restaurant. Paid $10 US for a huge plate of fabulous seafood pasta. Paid $20 US for two bottles of San Pelligrino (Damn! I need to learn how to say, "Bottled water, not San Pelligrino.").
- Learned that Peruvians don't buy (contrar) pens (lapizas), they steal (robar) them. So, I stole one from the front desk........